Confidence is not about how loud you are

Business Coach for Misfits | Maria Tan

I used to think people who ‘exude’ confidence…those that: 

  • wear the ‘proper’ clothes
  • speak the ‘right’ words
  • take the ‘big’ actions
  • spend on the ‘fancy’ things

…and have the ‘great’ bank account …

value themselves highly

How wrong I was. Following my massive depression, I went to expand my circle of network by joining several organizations and attending a lot of ‘high-ticket’ events. 

I saw how insecure many of the  ‘confident’ people I met that they were exerting a lot of effort in presenting themselves as ‘confident’.

They do everything with precision – channeling a lot of energy into 

  • Wearing the proper clothes
  • Speaking the right words
  • Taking the big actions
  • Spending on the fancy things 
  • And increasing their bank account

They are so hard on themselves and don’t allow themselves to let their hair down in fear that everything would tumble if they give themselves a break.

That wasn’t the life I wanted for myself. I like to look nice. I care about speaking the right words and taking the big actions. I love spending on fancy things and increasing my bank account. 

But I don’t judge myself for sometimes doing the opposite – for misspeaking, for wearing clothes deem too casual, for not taking actions, for choosing the cheaper option and for spending more than I should

For as long as I can remember, everybody taught me how things should be to get some kind of ‘holy grail’ … yet that carrot at the end of the stick never came. 

I realized then that despite all the efforts channeled into looking “right” it’s never going to be enough. You can never be smart enough, good enough, rich enough – especially if you’re ticking a checklist and comparing yourself to others. 

What becomes enough is when you unconditionally and unapologetically become you, and bring out the best in you. 

So if you’re still wondering, yes: who you are & what you bring to the table are enough. You don’t need to do more to be more. You just have to always come from the place of self-acceptance.